Monday, 6 August 2012

A useless list to help with your job hunt

Given the size of the world wide web, we all know that when searching for anything, you stand a good chance of stumbling across a significant amount of junk. I have been astounded however, by the amount of dross posted regarding "hints for job interviews", usually in the form of a "Top 10 ways to improve your chances" or "Top 10 reasons you will fluff your interview".

I am so infuriated by the lack of effort that has gone into these lists, which tend to include examples such as "Turn up on time" or "check that you are applying for a job that you can do", that I thought I would have a stab at creating my own list.

Top 10 Ways to improve your chances at job interview

10. Bribe the recruiter

9. Blackmail the recruiter

8. Kidnap the recruiter's pet and demand a job in return for its release

7. Don't turn up naked

6. Don't have bad hygiene

5. Listen to the questions

4. Demonstrate brand loyalty
If you don't get the picture above, read the story:

3. Don't diss the interviewer with rudeness

2. Use flattery

1. Apply for a job that you can actually do

(and yes, for those of you that properly read the introduction, this is deliberate, as a parody to the tripe currently available on the net!)

Hopefully, if you carefully and diligently follow the ten steps outlined above, you will be more successful that I am currently being (please don't take this as a sign that my advice may be less than worthwhile. It is just down to bad luck that I have not yet found a suitable role!), and will find yourself gainfully employed in no time at all...

And if you are stuck on the unemployment roster for a bit longer, some words of comfort from Hal Lancaster:

"Getting fired is nature’s way of telling you that you had the wrong job in the first place"

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